To run away.

There is a desire that resides deep within me. To run away to some far away place where no one knows me. No friendships. No acquaintances. Everyone with a new face and a new story to narrate. I want to be surrounded by strangers again. I want to carve a new path without traces of the past. I want to be free of all the fakeness around me.

The desire is always there, rushing through my veins. The sight of empty roads brings in the urge again and again.

How amazing would it be; to start a new adventure, a new life. To change my looks, identity and personality. To begin all over again and never look back.


It’s never too late.

This month has been wonderful so far. For the first time, after a long time, I can say that the only cause of my happiness is me. I knew; to bring a change in my life I had to change my perspective to look at things, and, I’m glad I did.

I won’t say I’m getting everything I ever wanted or wished for, but all that I do recieve does add up to the curve on my face.

Yes, sometimes I do get thoughts of the past… but forcing myself out of them is eventually the best feeling.

All this time I’ve been shut out by people and I’ve been hurted, intentionally or unintentionally. And now, I’ve finally gathered enough courage to shut them out of my life. It is some sort of pleasure, I must say. But, this does not mean I’m treating people like they treated me, cause then what will be the difference between me and them?

Some of them left me cause they thought they were getting better than me in everything, mainly academics. And now, I gotta prove all of them wrong. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s not impossible.

I’m happy with this new version of mine even though it isn’t into being social. But learning to love myself is something really wonderful which I wish I could have started earlier.

But, it’s never too late.

P.S. I’ve updated my About and Find me page. Make sure to check it out too.


Utterly pleasing.

It was a winter morning; the sun had risen, covered by the fog. Chilly winds blew across her face. Her hair swayed. She put her hands in the pockets, wore a cap,  plugged her ears to some soft music and began walking across the terrace.

Everything was so calm and peaceful. Except… her mind. Its peace was blocked by unstoppable thoughts. They raced from one topic to another, creating an unwanted ruckus. She closed her eyes and for once couldn’t take it any longer. People kept ruining her because she kept caring for how they treated her. “You have to start over” her mind screamed. It was then when she gathered all her courage and planned her next move.
Wiping off the tears she deleted the old useless photographs; picked up a pile of pages, poured water on them and watched as the ink spread away.

She was clearing a path she never thought she could walk over again. Her mind was clearing off the clutter. Everything seemed good. It was a matter of perspective she thought.
Everything was utterly pleasing.


Breathing new air.

2017 ended with happiness, regret, guilt, etc. at the same time. There were days I was completely crazy, laughing, playing, fooling around; while on the other hand, there were days tears never stopped pouring and ended with scars somewhere on my body. 

Alot of things happened in 2017. I finally learned to get over those people who never cared about me. I made a new friend, but I still have trust issues and I still feel insecure about things (all thanks to those who shattered everything well). I talked comparitively more than I did in 2016. But, I also failed in some things. I failed to be a good daughter. I failed to be a good sister. I failed to be myself. I lost confidence and everything I did got me nothing good. I let many people down. I stressed out too much. I lost all the respect from teachers, thanks to my low grades. 

2017, changed me the most. Changed my perspective to look at things and also, most importantly, slowly taught me to not care for things that might hurt me. Off course, not that I don’t really care, but somewhere deep, it just doesn’t matter now.

Today is the first day in 2018. And, my only resolution is to become a better human. I have to prove many people wrong and most importantly, I have to learn to love myself. There are certain rules I have to follow. I am changing my priorities from friendships to career and my goals in life. I have to bring some optimism in life. I have to let people get out of my life if they don’t want to stay. I have to stop crying for people who do not deserve me. I have to devote less time on the phone. I have to care for myself and my family. Friendship is a hole in my heart. And I am happy with what I have, or am left with. I have to be successful in anything I do.

Wish you a happy new year. May all your wishes come true and happiness guide your path.
With lots of love.


The ruined side of me. Again.

“Mom let’s go”, my brother shouted. “Bye”, I said.

I shut the door and moved towards my room, with my phone in one hand, a clenched fist, moistened eyes, and a pricking throat. I sat on my bed and before I could do anything, I bursted up. Tears streamed down. My nose turned red. I started coughing. The strong walls I had built just broke in a fraction of a second. My eyes were burning, turning red. But, the tears just streamed down continuously.

My fear proved to be my fear. Again. They said, they wouldn’t make me feel the way others did, but yeah, how did I just believe them again. It was all the same. Everything from 9 am to 5:30 pm. And, the kind of texts I recieved from people, worsened the situation. I had been a third wheel since long, and yes obviously, now too.

Everything from the start played in my head. Not once, not twice, but a couple of times. My eyes kept dripping. My heart was broken, shattered in pieces. I had no control on whatever I was doing, from pulling my hair to rapping the ruler on my hand. My hand had turned red. It hurted, but not as much as it did to make me wanna cry.

I am sick and tired of such a life. Every time I feel something good is gonna happen, it’s just the opposite. People enter my life, alter a part of me, and… well, leave. Why? Why do I need to face this? I haven’t hurted anyone. Have I? I haven’t stolen anyone’s smile. Then why do they do this? Why just me every single time?

There, the time just passes by… and its been half an hour since I lay on my bed, doing nothing but letting my eyes dry out.