It’s weird how you hurt me and then come back talking to me like you did nothing. Why do I even talk to you after whatever you did? I know it might seem nothing to you. Or maybe it is nothing at all. I might be making all this up. I might be creating the drama. And most probaby I guess I am. Maybe you just said it with no intentions to hurt me. But, I don’t know if its just me or do you treat others like this too? Why am I even nice to you after all you did? Why do I even treat you like normal after all you said? Why? Am I a jerk? Your words killed me like those were knives. You sat with me just because a friend of mine told you to. You called me boring. And if not being boring means a filthy mind. I’m happy to be boring. You told me not to talk to you once. And then, when I did what you said, you text me asking if I was mad at you. Like, what? What do you think I am? I’m not a toy you can play with when you are bored and have no one around. And what if I might have said yes? What would you have done then? I’m totally stupid. I should have said yes because I’m literally done with you now. But no, I was like- no. With a smiley face. Now I understand why people call me a jerk.
Others say that it would have hurt them too… they say, “why do you even give a shit about him, why do you even care?” Well… that’s the point. I care. Uselessly. I care about everyone except myself. I’ve been self harming since 2 years. Yes yes self harming. The scars still haunt me. And I know self harming won’t become intense. I know that. Unless… this shit is gonna be there for a few more years. I don’t know what will happen to me then. Because it’s not easy to handle. Everyone can not do it with a smile on the face.
I have taken an anxiety quiz over the net. Well, that’s what I do when I’m bored. Take quizzez and analyse myself. Know what kind of a person I am. And the result? It says I have anxiety. And I know I don’t, cause i probably dramatised it while answering those questions.
Anyway, that’s all I got to say about this person right now. I know he isn’t gonna change. It’s still gonna be the same.
How weird is it…? I should be piling up good memories cause the end of school is near, but I’m sitting there piling up some stories that I know will change my perspective towards friendship, people n all.