It was dark outside. No sound to be heard. Everyone was in deep sleep, it seemed. I checked the clock and it was nearly three. This morning was different. I never woke up at three before. But, this time I was wide awake with random thoughts racing, and their voice echoing in my head.
“You don’t talk to us like you used to”!
“You better get studying”!
“It’s the last year of school”.
Their words, their tone, exactly the same. One after another, they shut me up. I pulled my hair, punched the wall, but they never stopped. There was a sudden pinch in my throat. It ached really bad. I wanted to scream. Wanted to tell them to shut up. I just wanted to yell! But, I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t stop my tears. I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t stop myself. I was a complete mess in the first hour of the day.
Minute after minute, all I could think of was this. It hurted me till the core. But, I couldn’t do anything. I was stuck in the middle of something. I’m not sure what!
My hand started to hurt. My throat, it was just about to tear. How long? For how much longer, should I face this shit?! Is there anything good made for me?
We often create bridges to connect with people. Love. Pain. Wanting. Anxiety. Hate. What else do two people need to stay in touch?
We aren’t who we used to be. We’ve changed bridges from love and friendship to pain and hate. I dont know if you feel the same or is it just me thinking about crap. Yes, crap. Because, in the end I would be the one sitting there
thinking overthinking about how we were and how we have become. Why do I even care? Why do I keep thinking about shit? Why do I?
After you changed, I always tried to talk and always tried to bring back the old you, the old us. But no, you never let me. You broke your connection with me, and the worst part of it
was is back bitching. You’ve back bitched about me. Yes, I got to know. Sad, huh? See… the one’s you trust dont really like you. Cause perhaps you’ve behaved the same with them and now all you are doing is trying to act sweet. But, I was the one who really cared. But… oops, to late now… I’m glad I slipped off your hands. This time, I’m glad you oiled your hands before you could grab mine. And yes, I’m not gonna forgive you like I used to. I’m done with hearing all the nonsense. Times may have changed but you didn’t. Thank you for so much love. Thank you for the care. Thank you.
Friendships don’t turn out to be the best part of my life.
Failures pushed her. She saw no hope. It wasn’t a great day; but like most of the days she felt what nobody ever understood. ‘Building special memories?’, she thought was just a misnomer. The urge to scream ended up with nail marks on her hand. The clutter she had built ended up with blood on the floor. And the dark days ended up with wet pillows at night.
It wasn’t the end of her life. It wasn’t the good time either. But she had waited enough for the beautiful days to come back, she had waited enough for the people around her to understand how harsh it feels on hearing those words, she had waited enough for those special people to come back in her life, she had waited too long; this just had to happen.
The pressure of scheduled tests wasn’t easy to handle. And those thoughts, those words rang in her ear every single time she opened the books. Fudgeling, made it worse.
Life was challenging her. And it had been too long, she failed and was left in a worse state.
Her heart ached. Her strength was lost. She needed someone to hug her and say they’re there for her. She needed someone to stay. She needed a little love. She needed to breathe.
23rd May 2017, we were honoured by respective positions in the council body of the school. Yes, I was one of them. Many were left heart broken. Many were happy to get a respectable position (President, Vice President and the Secretary).
I was chosen to be the secretary of Science Club. Yes, I was happy (I didn’t have any hope of getting any position anyway *grins*). It is the lowest position. But I never cared about being in the lowest or in the top position. Yes, I would have been a little more happier if I would have got a better one.
But little did I know, me being a secretary would be treated like that. And I never knew that a guy who was so sweet to me last year would ever hurt me this way. I never knew he would change just being at a higher position. I never knew. One should know, that everyone can not be a hero straight away, and especially people like me. I am not one of the popular kids in school. I am not an outspoken person. And making a position in school was very difficult for me. I am not like you. You should know that. At least I am a part of the council body… plus, a position is a position. You can not judge it. And let me tell you, you are no boss here, it’s a school. And everyones treated the same way. You don’t have any right to force me to do anything.
What if, I’m better at something else you do not know? A position can not define me.
And this, defines you. Now I know you aren’t who I thought you were. Now I know your truest colours. And I promise you, you will surely regret saying whatever you did someday.
Someday you will.