I thought everything was going to change with the new year. It was after so long I had finally picked up myself to let go of people who hurted me. I was finally doing something for myself. Even though it was very pleasing, it didn’t turn out to be as good as I expected.
Now, I guess trying to become a little selfish isn’t helping me. I’m losing people during this process of finding myself. I tried so much to not let them leave but maybe my real self does not fit in with them. Maybe, just maybe, I’m a little rude and well… brutally honest. Yes I’m very different. I like that. *No more loathing* But, if my real self is dragging me away from people, I don’t know what to do. ((I don’t even know if it’s my real self or not. It’s just another version of me which seems better..))
I do not want to run after people anymore. Those who like me for who I am, will stay. I can not show much love anymore. I’m tired of expressing even though they just proved to be futile.
Yes I’m a dork, and my grades are all that is important. To get up from the bottom is not going to be easy. My goals are completely different from everyone. My parents expect too much from me; and now, all I’m trying to do is, live up to their expectations.
Managing everything is not going to be easy. Because, in this version, it is the first time when things seem to favour me.I have to prove many people wrong- those who let me down and those who never expected anything from me.
Plus, the simple fact, I know I would be left out in any group so just learning to be with myself helps.