The city was asleep. No horns. No speeding cars. The shut stores. Everything was calm but, her brain. The neurons transmitted signals here and there. There was something going on she was unaware of. The adrenaline rushed through activating different cells. Sweat ran across her neck and chest. She clenched her fist gathering the blanket. She could feel the blood flow. Her heart pounded hard enough to break its own walls.
Those creases between her brows had alot to say.
Tripping over something invisbile, she woke up terrified, breathing heavily.
2:30 AM the clock read.
“Not again,” she muttered.
Failure, rejection, falling, fire, everything in one go. It wasn’t one of those pleasant dreams that rarely crossed her.
Nightmares struck her again and again. Till this day, when she is afraid. Just to fall asleep.
There is a desire that resides deep within me. To run away to some far away place where no one knows me. No friendships. No acquaintances. Everyone with a new face and a new story to narrate. I want to be surrounded by strangers again. I want to carve a new path without traces of the past. I want to be free of all the fakeness around me.
The desire is always there, rushing through my veins. The sight of empty roads brings in the urge again and again.
How amazing would it be; to start a new adventure, a new life. To change my looks, identity and personality. To begin all over again and never look back.
The dark brown colour,
It smells like magic.
The strong flavour,
An excess could be tragic.
Just one sip,
The adrenaline rushes through my brain.
From bottom to tip,
The caffeine runs in my veins.
My heart beats faster,
Stimulating every neuron.
I welcome every moderate disaster
With a cup of coffee I put on.
This month has been wonderful so far. For the first time, after a long time, I can say that the only cause of my happiness is me. I knew; to bring a change in my life I had to change my perspective to look at things, and, I’m glad I did.
I won’t say I’m getting everything I ever wanted or wished for, but all that I do recieve does add up to the curve on my face.
Yes, sometimes I do get thoughts of the past… but forcing myself out of them is eventually the best feeling.
All this time I’ve been shut out by people and I’ve been hurted, intentionally or unintentionally. And now, I’ve finally gathered enough courage to shut them out of my life. It is some sort of pleasure, I must say. But, this does not mean I’m treating people like they treated me, cause then what will be the difference between me and them?
Some of them left me cause they thought they were getting better than me in everything, mainly academics. And now, I gotta prove all of them wrong. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s not impossible.
I’m happy with this new version of mine even though it isn’t into being social. But learning to love myself is something really wonderful which I wish I could have started earlier.
But, it’s never too late.
P.S. I’ve updated my About and Find me page. Make sure to check it out too.
Running away from my fears,
Their shadow still haunts me.
Silent streets but a loud mind,
The monster was running wild within me.
I hallucinate, its obnoxious laugh,
A whisper in my ear,
“I’ll never leave you alone”,
It said clear.
“Where are you looking?
I’m not under your bed.
Look inside you,
I’m in your head”.
It held me tight
Crawling on my shoulder.
“It’ll be alright”.
The monster took over.